The Single Girl and the Working Dog
By Yvonne Zipter

Whatever guilt I might feel when total strangers tell me what a wonderful thing I've done by adopting a retired racing greyhound—guilt because I feel like I'm the lucky one—at least I don't have the added burden of knowing that I might very well use that aforementioned greyhound as "date bait," as a single friend of mine put it. She recently asked if I had ever written a column on this "seamy side of pet-dom," and I hadn't but I'm not sure, now, why this never occurred to me. After all, my partner Kathy has warned me that if I ever dump her, she gets to keep the dogs because "they're chick magnets." And boy, is that the truth! Also kid magnets, drunk-guy magnets, old people magnets, and fly magnets (so that's how those flies are getting into the house). But it's really only the chicks that we like to focus on, delightful as it can be to pass the time with someone who reeks of Nighttrain, has no front teeth, and hasn't seen a bar of soap in quite some time. Still, not being on the lookout for prospective girlfriends at the moment—"the moment" being about from 1987 to the foreseeable future—I haven't really focused on the matchmaking potential of our dogs, but I can see a number of advantages to meeting women this way.

First, any woman who approaches you to talk to you about your dog or to coo at the dog itself is clearly a dog lover, which, if you have a dog you dote on, is a critical feature in a girlfriend. When your dog is with you on your very first meeting, you can assess exactly how sincere she is in her professed love of the canine race. If, for example, she is telling you, while giving you the once-over, how much she loves dogs while at the same time pushing your dog's head away, you would be reasonable in suspecting this is a pickup line. Had she told you the same thing at a nightclub, where presumably your dog was not bellied up to the bar with you, there would be no way to ascertain the truth of her statement. And then, by the time she finally met your dog, say, two or three days later, it might be too late since, lesbians being who they are, you might already be hopelessly in love and ready to forgive any flaw. In contrast, if she, when you first meet, is whispering sweet nothings in your dog's ear, you can be pretty sure her statement is genuine. Then, of course, is the worry that she finds the dog more attractive than you—a worry I would certainly harbor with my sleek and lovely greyhounds.

Second, knowledge of someone's status with your dog can tell you a lot more about her than that she loves dogs. I am of the opinion that dog lovers have a demonstrated capacity for tenderness and compassion. Though certainly you'd be right in pointing out that Hitler, for instance, had a dog, as did son of Sam, and I've known cat lovers who have been equally tender and compassionate so it's not a theory without flaws. Still, the friends we've made through our work with Greyhounds Only, Inc., Rescue and Adoption, are by far some of the most caring people I've ever met.

The downside of meeting women this way is that women other than lesbians are just as likely to approach you, and then it can get awkward when you ask her out for dinner and she says she'll have to check with her husband first to see if she's free that night—a little detail, however, that in and of itself doesn't necessarily rule her out as a potential mate. She wouldn't be the first married gal to be won over by another woman, though surely there are easier ways to go.

At any rate, they say that dogs that once worked for a living—sled dogs, racing dogs, police dogs—like to have a "job" when they've retired (kind of like the former CEO who becomes the Walmart greeter). And in this case, your dog's new job would be to draw women to you, like a Bush twin to a good party. Don't you feel good, now, doing something so selfless for your pooch?

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